What's the story behind the story? What inspired you to write Dying Ways: A Palliative Nurse's Tales Of Life, Death, And What Matters Most?
After 50 years of watching people die, I was bogged down by what I was doing. I found telling the stories helped, and people were surprisingly positive about them. People related to them, and the more I talked, the more I realized they related and wanted to hear—they just needed the example and permission to open up. Eventually, it became a process of reflection, helping me see my life’s journey as I face my own end.
If you had to pick theme songs for the main characters of Dying Ways: A Palliative Nurse's Tales Of Life, Death, And What Matters Most, what would they be?
"Don't You Know" — Della Reese. This 1959 classic was Granny Audrey’s favorite song and singer, and the book is dedicated to her.
What's your favorite genre to read? Is it the same as your favorite genre to write?
I certainly don’t read about what I write—living it is bad enough without reading it, too! I write from life in the here and now, but I like to read books about powerful women, especially historical fiction. My favorite read is The Dovekeepers by Alice Hoffman, based on the true events of Masada in 70 CE, which shows the power of women. I've also always loved Alcott’s Little Women.
What books are on your TBR pile right now?
The Red Garden by Alice Hoffman, another historical fiction; The Red Tent by Anita Diamant; and I’ve just started on the intensely thought-provoking The Pig Who Sang to the Moon. Looking at life and death from an animal’s perspective is a great escape, especially when animals are often very important in people’s final days.
What scene in your book was your favorite to write?
The shower scene; it was so very, very real to witness. I’ve seen a lot of the dark and light of life, but that one moment will always stick with me and bring a smile to my face.
Do you have any quirky writing habits? (lucky mugs, cats on laps, etc.)
I find the actual writing is the easy part. The discipline and habits come in getting my brain to switch off and letting the answers come through when half asleep, then remembering them with enough energy to get them on paper.
Do you have a motto, quote, or philosophy you live by?
I tell all my patients: You still have time, and what happens in that time depends on you. You need to process—what is it that’s unfinished, what is it that’s frightening you, and why are you not ready to die? The green light to die is a gift, whether it’s tomorrow or in the decades to come. Facing that truth is what sets us free.
If you could choose one thing for readers to remember after reading your book, what would it be?
There is a good and decent way to die for everyone, which you should discuss. There’s nothing wrong with having your will, eulogy, etc., organized before you die. Make a bucket list and methodically tick off your accomplishments, as this brings you into living in the moment. Make sure you choose when, how, and where you go.
Dale Heim is the author of the new book Dying Ways: A Palliative Nurse's Tales Of Life, Death, And What Matters Most
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