What's the story behind the story? What inspired you to write Barely Visible: Mothering a Son Through His Misunderstood Autism?
My son was diagnosed with high functioning autism in 2007. He is 24 now. Because he is high functioning, he gives off the appearance of being able to navigate the ups and downs of daily life. And to a large degree, he can. But we all know that appearances can be deceiving. Jack appears one way on the surface, yet beneath it, he is a completely different person that operates in ways that are foreign to most of us. In any given moment, it’s difficult to pinpoint and define what makes him different, or to make sense of a situation gone wrong. He is trapped halfway between assisted and accomplished. No one offers him the assistance he needs because no one can see that he needs it, and no one understands why he can’t accomplish more because they can’t see that he’s trapped in place by something he can’t control. It’s an unfair gray space that creates a unique set of problems whose answers aren’t always easily found, and the impact of that extends beyond just the world’s perception of Jack. It impacts his perception of himself. He carries a label around with him that he struggles to accept because it implies that he is less than or limited, and that, of course, that is incredibly destructive to his self esteem and confidence. I have been walking a very fine line for the last 17 years trying to balance all the unknowns, and making every mistake possible. I feel an obligation to share that with other parents that are on the same path we’ve already traveled. Yes, there are far more resources available today, but medical and educational resources aren’t always enough. There is immense value in connecting with someone else who has been in your shoes, feeling their support, and knowing that you are not alone. In sharing my fears and failures, I created space for others to see themselves in my journey and know that a path forward is possible. By telling my truth, I am contributing to a broader conversation about autism awareness, acceptance, and the challenges and joys of parenting a neurodivergent child. My memoir has become a personal form of advocacy, a way to amplify not only my voice and experience, but my son’s as well, and in turn so many others that are too often misunderstood or overlooked.
If you had to pick theme songs for the main characters of Barely Visible: Mothering a Son Through His Misunderstood Autism, what would they be?
For my son, Jack, it would be “All Star” by Smash Mouth. I’ve always told him that despite his limitations, he can be and do anything he wants—he’s an all star! Also, his greatest obsession has always been baseball. He was a standout on every team he ever played on. The organization he played with for many years was All Star Baseball Academy. So that song is fitting.
For me it would be one of two songs: “Universe & U” by K.T. Tunstall (This song speaks to the more emotional side of things. My son and I are one in the same. Technically I may not have a disability but the apple didn’t fall far from the tree. I relate to so much of what he experiences on a daily basis.) or “Don’t Panic” by Coldplay (Panic is an everyday thing in our world, but in reality, life is still all good!)
What's your favorite genre to read? Is it the same as your favorite genre to write?
Without question, memoir is my favorite genre to read. Relationships are the most important aspect of life and when you read a memoir, you’re entering into a relationship with the author. I’ve learned so much about life and myself from reading other people’s life stories. This is the only book I’ve written so I can’t say as though I have a favorite genre to write. I would love to write a novel one day but I’m not sure it will come as easily as writing this memoir did.
What books are on your TBR pile right now?
I am currently reading five books: Patriot by Alexei Navalny, Untypical by Pete Wharmby, Normal Sucks by Jonathan Mooney, Talking to Strangers by Malcom Gladwell, and Didion and Babitz by Lili Anolik. In the queue are: Dog Love Stories by Patricia Eagle, Finding KIND by Kari A. Baker, What I Mean When I Say I’m Autistic by Annie Kotowicz, and Half My Sky by Carrie Cariello.
What scene in your book was your favorite to write?
There is a scene in Chapter 28 (For Appearance’s Sake) where I take my son to NYC for an interview with a modeling agency. It was fun to write because the events of that day were the perfect mix of him being the lucid, “normal” kid that I always know exists in there somewhere, and him turning into the impatient, intolerable jerk that his autism elicits. For whatever reason, every detail of that day is crystal clear in my memory. It’s emotional, heartfelt, humorous and immensely frustrating all at the same time.
Do you have any quirky writing habits? (lucky mugs, cats on laps, etc.)
I wouldn’t call this quirky so much, but I am an avid cyclist and I would say 75% of my book was written while out on my bike. All the right words seem to flow when I’m pedaling away. I store them up, mull them over, arrange them in my head just so, and when I come to the next stop sign or traffic light, I dictate an email to myself. Then my head is clear and once I start off pedaling again, I’m free to move on to the next passage.
Do you have a motto, quote, or philosophy you live by?
Absolutely. I have carried the following quote by Goethe around with me since I was a teenager: “Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.”
If you could choose one thing for readers to remember after reading your book, what would it be?
We’re all the same. We all have strengths and weaknesses of varying degrees, and if we could learn to navigate one another with patience and acceptance, there would be no need for labels and we would all get through life with far less friction.
